 |
|
Your Emails and Insights
|
I welcome you to email me about your experiences, your thoughts, how you feel, things that
have happened to make you angry or sad or despondent, or joyful and elated.
Writing is the best form of venting your feelings and gives you the ability
to share your experiences with others, which in turn gives you the ability
to inspire. Any emails you send may be posted throughout this site. Dear Melinda, I love your site - you are the first person who I feel really understands what I go through each day. It is absolute hell, like living with a devil in my head, and there are days I feel so helpless and guilty and I want it all to end. And then there are days where I feel elated that I have suceeded in losing weight and lying to everyone about it all. But these days are so bitter sweet because I always end up feeling bad again. I really think some days that everyone must hate me for what I put them through but I can't seem to stop it no matter how much I want to. It just keeps going, everyday it is there and I can't make it go away. I just feel so lost. Is this what my life will be like forever? Love Madeline Hi Melinda, Thanks so much for a great site - the first time I read through it, I cried because it was so close to home. I can really relate to everything you say because it is exactly how I feel. Everyone keeps trying to push me into recovery but I'm just not ready yet. I often wonder if I will ever be ready? I've been anorexic for four years now and I don't think I could ever eat without feeling guilty. It seems that everyone is constantly disappointed in me because they think I've been sick long enough and I should be over it by now. I can't see a way out of this life and that scares me. Your site is the first place I've felt safe in a long time, as though I'm not the only one. Can you please post this email on your site so others will know they are not alone as well? THANKS. Steff My life is a nightmare. When will this all end? You seem to have the answers. If you do, can you tell me how to find a way out of this bulimic nightmare? What should I do? How do I escape? I can't keep anything down. Every time I eat, I make sure there is a toilet or bathroom nearby. If I am in a restaurant I have to sit near the bathroom or I panic. Sometimes I'm too scared to leave the safety of my own home, but if I'm alone I always head for the fridge or pantry or both. Then the bathroom again. This is the pattern of my life and I hate it, I despise it, but I can't stop. I wish this was a dream so I could wake up and my life would be back to normal again. Laura Hi! My name is Rene' Davidson. I have had a eating disorder since I was 15 yrs. old. I'm now 28. But I still play Russian Roulette with my body. I now weigh 89 pounds. About a week and a half ago, I weighed 100 pounds. That's the most I've ever weighed. I was pleased with myself. But when things get bad and I feel out of control, I fall back into my eating disorder. I've been to several eating disorder clinics and you would think by now that I would know what to do! Your deadly picture makes me cry. I don't want to ever get that small, but I can't stop this disease. When I was 18 yrs. old I got down to 65 pounds and I had 4 cardiac arrests. I've also had 3 spontaneous pneumothorax because of dehydration. I don't want to be sick anymore. Do you have any suggestions. I'm scared that I'm going to die if I keep playing with my weight. Please e-mail me back. My E-mail address is redrockgirl@email.com I would appreciate any suggestions from anyone. Bye Rene' Hi Melinda, My name is Christine I have had an ED for 6 years now.I know what I am doing to my self, I know why. I have been trying to get for over a year. I live in upstate ny. So far no luck. This time I am afraid I will die. I have two kids that need there mom. I do not want to die, I don't want to live like this any more. Christine my name is david i am in recovery from anorexia nervosa. I have been in and out of hospitals over two and a half years. This is the first Christmas Ive spent at home. When it started i was 265 pounds and was dieting normally and moderately exercising. Then i dropped to as little as 300 calories a day. I increased my exercise to eight and a half hrs a day. This involve getting up at 4 am and going to bed at 1 am. I rode as much as two miles on a bike and did over 1000 jumping jacks just to warm-up. Then i stopped eating totally and continued exercising. I wore baggy clothing and withdrew from family and friends. My weight dropped as low as 100lb before i was hospitalized. I am currently eating somewhat beter my weight is up and i am battleing demons every day to keep it that way. Thankyou. I don't know if I will ever change but my life has been completely stuffed the last couple of months, every one is trying to change me. I've nearly killed my self so many times. I hate my self and I don't want to live but I will try. Thank you for trying to help. Kathy I think that this is the best website I have ever seen. It is informative as well as providing very real and beneficial information. If I was skinny or knew anyone who was skinny I would recommend this site with all my heart. Well done and keep up the great work, you are an inspiration to us all. JJ well hi, i certaninly can understand what it feels like to die i am a sex therapist now living in san francisco but ive been anorexic i had it i still think i do but but i mean its under control as far as im concerned but others still call me ally mcbeal so im still barely pushing 100 and five feet six but i do eat at least 1500 calories a day..i was pretty bad and my condition got very worse whats worse is i put my family through real hell for nothing well for literally looking like a nothing so i just wanna say i love your site and found it nice to look at and great for women to read and understand. i just wish it had been there 10 years ago for me but your great and i love the site. Janet Hi...I was wondering if u could offer some advice. I'm a friend of a girl in her teens. She has always complained about her weight but lately I've noticed her to get worse. She shows a lot of the symptoms on the eating disorders website. She sometimes goes without food all day at school and I can't be sure that she eats anything when she gets home. She makes excuses not to eat, she always checks calories on packages etc. She also seems obsessed with the idea that I'm thinner than she is. This would seem a normal enough thing for someone to say but she continually says that she wishes she was skinny. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting but I know how serious these illnesses can be and I just want to be on the safe side. Any time I approach her about eating she edges around the subject or gets irritated. I know forcing her to eat is not the solution so I was wondering if you could offer some advice as to what I can do to help her. I really don't know if I'm overreacting and I really hope I am but I just want to be sure. Any help would be greatly appreciated, Thank you Emma NOTE FROM MELINDA: You are right to be concerned about your friend - try to be as supportive and understanding as you can - that's what she needs from you. Don't judge or criticise, just be there to listen if she wants to talk. If you think the situation is getting worse, pull her aside and tell her you are worried about her behaviour and ask if she needs to talk. If she resists and closes up, and nothing changes, you need to tell someone such as a teacher or parent who can do something for her, such as getting her to a doctor. As her friend, just being there unconditionally for her will provide her with comfort and a sense of stability. I have been reading through your internet site after it being recomended to me from a friend. I realize I have and eating disorder. For so long now I have convinced myself that I don't have a problem, that I would be able to just start eating again when I felt happy with my weight. Now I know I was wrong. Admitting I have a problem is one thing but getting over it is another. As you would understand it's not easy to just start eating again. I can't tell my parents. I just couldn't. One particular teacher knows about it and is helping me through this long and hard battle. I always felt as if no one could understand this torture that I am going through but after reading this web site I know its not true. If I don't do something about this I could die, that's the reality. Thank you for a great and understanding website. Love Olivia dear melinda, i can't really express how much i think your website is good for people like me, and others out there. its scary to think what goes through my head every day. "dont eat anything all day, burn off 500 calories and you are ahead of the game." then at night time, its my worst, i allow myself 300 calories the absolute most, and if i feel i have exceeded that boundary, off to the bathroom i go to get rid of it... which happens almost every night even if i dont pass that boundary. its this cycle that i go through every day of my life, but it keeps me sane! or at least i think it does. the fear of something going past my lips gives me nightmares. i wake up in the middle of the night with gut wrenching pains all throughout my stomach and chest... all i think about is going down to the kitchen and just grabbing one bite of an apple, but no... i wont stoop down to that level... i will not consume more calories. i am in control. or at least i think i am. i hate this though, i dont want to have a fear of scales, yet i dont want this obsession with standing on them to see how much weight i have lost either. i want to fall asleep peacfully, not with worrying about if i ate too much that day, or if i excercized enough. i wnat to feel proud of myself, but i can't. i can't lift a fork to my mouth, i cant. i hope that everyone out there that is dealing with this can find help some how, and find within themselves that they are beautiful! ~ thanks, Kristin My name is Jessica and I have a problem. I have a very low self esteem and body image problems. I do not have an eating disorder that I can pin point. I do not try and throw up and I do not stop eating. I do try diets (that never work) i do go to the gym at least 5 times a week. My problem is I was with a very abusive boyfriend who never liked the way that I looked. He told me every day that I needed to lose weight. I can not look at myself in the mirror with out cloths on. I hate to look at myself in a mirror at anytime. I have not been with this guy for two years and I can still hear what he has said in my head. Many many people tell me that I am beautiful and that I look great and that I am not fat but I do not believe them. I go to the bathroom when I am at work at least 20 times just so I can punish myself by looking in the mirror and calling myself fat. I do not know what to do. Do you have any suggestions? jessica NOTE FROM MELINDA: Your self esteem has taken an awful beating from someone who you trusted. You need to look within yourself and listen to your inner voice, as well as listening to the people who love you; they will never lie to you. Force the images of this abusive person out of your mind, constantly and consciously - and know within that you are worthy of love and that you deserve to be loved. Dear Melinda, Hi, my name is Kacey. I am 17 years old and just started year 12. Over the past 18 months I or should I say that my doctor believes that I am suffering from an eating disorder. I have read your book "Fighting for Life" 4 times and in the middle of reading it again. Instead of reading the school books for assessments I just read yours over and over. To start off with I think that you are a WONDERFUL person and I want to thank you soooo much for helping my best friend Cath who was down in Westmead. Now that she is home it is just such a relief. We talk about you so very often and she tells me just how wonderful you are and how good you are to her and just how much confidence she has gained. We have our cries together and our laughs but most of all I love how we both know that each other are going through similar things but I am not as bad. She always tells me that I will have to meet you because you are such a wonderful person but cause I play ALOT of sport I am always away. Anyway I have REALLY REALLY enjoyed looking at this site and I must say you have made me think twice about why I am doing this to myself but somehow no matter how hard I try I can not think of what is wrong with me. Take care and hopefully one day Cath could take me to meet you. Love Kacey |