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The Voices that Rage Inside
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"You're Fat" "You're worthless" "You don't deserve to be happy - you deserve to die" "Don't eat that or you'll get fat"
Those who are suffering from an eating disorder will know that second voice, that dialogue that plays over and over in your head, that you can't seem to stop. It is there from the second you wake up in the morning, haunting you throughout the day, until you go to sleep at night. All day. Everyday.
It is important for other people who may be close to someone suffering from an eating disorder, to realise that the person they are watching fade away to nothingness, is listening to these voices, and worst of all, that they are believing them. It is important to know that they are being driven by a force so powerful, it is frightening and feels almost impossible to control. Often the person will feel so hopeless and worthless, that they will begin to trust what these voices are telling them because it validates the feelings of insecurity and self doubt they are already feeling. What makes it worse, is that when you are suffering from an eating disorder, you feel you can't trust anyone, so the natural thing to do is trust yourself, including the voices that plague your every thought.
They convince you that if you lose just a few more kilos, that life will be wonderful. But the truth is, no matter how much you lose, it is never enough. The voices will continue to drive you to keep losing weight, telling you that if you are thin, everything will be fine and you will be happy.
I used to believe the voices and what they told me. I followed their advice, believed them when they told me that I didn't deserve to eat and that I had to lose weight at any cost, and was still listening to them when I tipped the scales at five and a half stone. But I wasn't happy and my life wasn't wonderful. Yet I continued to listen to the voices for the next three years as I watched my life crumble around me. They lied to me.
The voices LIE.
AND THEY ARE LYING TO YOU TOO.
It is obvious why victims of eating disorders experience such a difficult and traumatic struggle, and find it hard to feel anything positive about themselves or their world.
How can you possibly find a reason to live when you continually have voices instilling negative thoughts and emotions in your already confused mind? They tell you that you are worthless, that you don't deserve to eat, they yell at you if you do eat, convincing you that any tiny skerrik of food will make you fat and disgusting. If you do eat, they will scream at you to get rid of the food through excessive exercise or vomiting or laxative consumption, they will drive you to do hundreds of sit-ups until you are so exhausted that your body gives out. They will drive you to massive self destruction, they will make you hate yourself and those around you who are trying to help you. They will convince you that everyone else who is trying to encourage you to eat is the enemy, and that they are your only friend. The voices are extremely powerful and their ultimate goal is to destroy.
To help someone who is suffering, you need to help them try to break this negative dialogue that constantly plays in their mind. Tell them good things about themselves, encourage them to do things that bring them joy, speak positively about their attributes, praise any good behavior. And remember not to dwell on the negativity in their lives, as this will only make them feel bad about themselves and the fact that they are causing those around them pain. The most powerful emotion a sufferer feels is guilt. They feel guilty about eating, guilty about upsetting their family, guilty about causing others pain. If these things are pointed out to them, they will feel worse and the voices will have more power. You need to be supportive and give them unconditional love. Although it can be frustrating living with someone who has an eating disorder, try not to get angry or show your frustration. Encourage the person to talk about the voices and what they are saying and attempt to show them that these things are not true through telling them positive things that are true about themselves. It may be difficult for the person to believe this in the beginning, but the more they hear it the easier it will become for them to break the pattern of their eating disorder and start to fight against the voices.
THE VOICES MUST BE SILENCED. ONLY YOU HAVE THE POWER WITHIN TO BE ABLE TO DO THIS.
When you hear the voices, try to counter them with a positive thought that you truly, sincerely believe. It is difficult at first, but try to be persistent and determined not to listen to them. The more you are able to do this, the less power the voices will have, and they will slowly diminish over time. And one day, you will be able to find happiness again, and live the life you deserve.
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