Body Cage

If you have recovered from an eating disorder, you have just beaten something that snatches away the lives of so many, and should be very proud of yourself. Beating an ED is something that takes much courage, persistence, perseverance and immense strength. You are to be congratulated, admired and you are an inspiration to all those who visit this site in search of answers.

I want to hear your recovery stories - what did it take for you to recover, and what was your own personal story of recovery, because all are different, and each is unique. Yet, if we look hard enough, I'm sure we can find some common themes. And if we can identify these, we can help others to recover.

It' s all about sharing, talking, communicating - and that is what this site is for.

Email me melinda@bodycage.com your recovery stories and I will post them here. And in doing so, know that you are helping others succeed in their battle to rediscover themselves and the will to live their lives on their own terms, without the constant torment and pain and suffering that we have all known.

You are to be admired
You have the ability to inspire

Wow...I honestly never thought I'd be writing to you with my recovery story. You see, I have struggled with disordered eating and various forms of eating disorders for the past seven years.
I am now 21 and am recovering.
I say recovering, because I do not believe a person can fully recover from anorexia or bulimia. The mind is always somewhat focused on appearance and on calories and weight. But it gets better.
The last stage I went through was an anorexic stage. I will not list weights, as I remember flying through all kinds of websites to be triggered, to see if I had yet to become the best anorexic. For some reason, that had become my only priority in life. I never reached emaciation. I did, however, lose considerable weight. I always believed happiness would be found in the goal weight...yet it never was. The goal was always lowered.
And then something clicked. I came to no profound realizations, heard no words of immense wisdom uttered. Something just clicked, and it was the only logical thing my mind had conceived in years.
God created me. That simple. God created me and with anorexia I was saying, "Listen God. I realize you are perfect and you created me, but this creation is simply not good enough." That cannot be. I have value not because of a number on a scale or a size on a tag but solely because God created me. And nothing I can do will ever add to or detract from that value. I then realized that God CREATED me. Created is an interesting word. Meticulously, carefully, He planned me out. He created me. He knew what He was doing.
And I began to eat more and excersise less. It was amazing. I realized (though no one could have convinced me of this before) that there is more to life than thinness. And in reality, thinness doesn't matter all that much. Health matters. Happiness matters. Life matters.
You never realize how exhausting years of lying and of being secretive can be until you start telling the truth. Nothing is ever freeing. Anorexia and bulimia have ties so unbelievably strong that nothing makes you feel freer than breaking them.
It is not that I ever felt thin enough. I believe I would have died before that ever happened. It is that I finally felt good enough - good enough to live a life without the fear of a machine and it's opinion of me - the scale and it's numbers.
I hurt for everyone of you still entangled in this battle. It saddens me deeply. You all have so much to live for, yet you are willing to lose it to an unidentifiable and unobtainable goal. You have the strength within you to beat this. And you will NEVER feel such immense freedom and happiness until you do.

Best of luck,
Jessica

Hi Melinda,
Hi, I am now 17 years of age, and completely recovered from anorexia. It all started with a healthy image of losing a few pounds, and showing off a toned body. My mom also has had anorexia for 5 years, so that almost made it ok, and more competitive. I soon began exercising and cutting meal poritons. Then somehow it progressed into obsession and I was starving myself. The weight I lost was tremendo us, but nothing was as bad as the life it almost cost. Luckily, I had someone who caught on to my habits, and taught me that it was ok to be heatlhy, and average. My history teacher realized my habits on a class trip. When I would sit out during meals he would come help me eat. Even if I refused to eat, he cared- he was THERE, like noone else. Day by day I would progress from nibbling on lettuce, to eating bigger portions. He helped me to realize what was important, and that he understood and supported me. Now, I cannot say this cured me, because of course it isn't thast easy. I recovered with the help of a great psychiatrist, support groups, and support around me. I soon began to realize that people did care, and liked me the way i was before- HEALTHY. I really hope this can help some of you out there. I really LOVE YOU ALL. I know everything you are going through, and know what A CONSTANT BATTLE everyday is. I am here for you, email me if you want to talk ANGELLR25@AOL.COM Love always,

Lindsey

I noticed you only have two stories about male anorexics, So I felt I should add mine to the board as well too make it well known. I have been fighting with this disorder they call anorexia,The fight is hard I am a 24 YRLD male and have been anorexic for nearly 3 years now, I still say now cause I still fight it every day.when I was 20 I weighed 310 pounds and wasnt happy about myself at all,,so I sat down and thought of ways too loose weight and kill the hunger.I bought a fat free living cookbook and studied what has what in it and the broke everything down into what too eat. The next day I went out and bought a bottle of diet pills and took more the recomended amout and cut my food intake down too no more than 10 grams of fat a day.I about a week I lost 10 pounds and was very happy about it then a went on from there, In about 8-months later I weighed 110 blds on a large boned body build and excessive exersice ca me with that as well. I was sick one night felt dead at this point in time and went too hospital and told them I was sick when asked what was wrong,,I told the doctor I was anorexic and felt really really sick..To my surprise he said that it couldnt be possiable that ,,that doesnt happen too males and he suggested an AIDS test and My girrl friend freaked cause she couldnt understand why they wouldnt beleive me (yes she knew) but test came back negitive and ran some more test found o ut my electroids where down and my bladder was down and my hormones where shut down as well. So I was released and ate some a little and drank some juice for about a week and was a little stonger after that and about a month later it happend again,,same doctorial proceedgers and was offer no anorexic giedence and about after 5-,months of going too the doctors they finally found a hospital (not known for male anorexics) but was placed in there for a bout a month after showing signs of improvement was let go with my own recognition.I now weigh a 160 pounds and fight too keep it going too I can no longer put my hand under my rib cage..O yea I was diagnosed with anorexia bolimia,,I was both very lucky too be alive!!!! The treatment they tought me was not go on a scale anymore and look at my self in the mirror and when I am happy at a certain weight that I find satisfactor maintain it So for closer ,,,I never get on a scale unless doctor says and I struggle with the demeon as you guys do as well and I know we can beat this guys ,,all we need is someone who beleives in us or a physical supporter
Lane

Dear Melinda,
Dear Everyone I will not pretend I am recovered or even close. There have been moments in my life when I have felt anorexia free- this was due to been unable to recognise the voices and anorexia inside me. However I feel I have been gradually getting better, by challenging the voices and giving my fear foods ago. yet last night , I just got so scared I felt I had no direction, no where to go and nothing to look forward. I decided I didn't want this anorexia anymore. I got scared, frightened ,lonely and sad. Something inside me told me what I had to do and without eveb thinking about it I tore my diet books up, covered my mirrors, covered and hid my scales . After that my dad had brought some full fat icecreams for my family he optimistically asked me if I wanted some, to his suprise I said yes. I shook as I looked at it and was almost in tears, I pushed some down my throat and thought, this is quite nice. I only had a few mouthfuls yet I felt proud. No normal person would cry about icecream! I am now determined to recover, I feel last night was my turning point.
John

Hi Melinda, Hello, My name is Allie and I am in the process of recovery. I was in the restricting stage of anorexia for only 4 months but was diagnosed with only 2 weeks to live. I still had the negative thought and still practiced the actions. Well, I wasn't about to stop on my own but my doctor and church sent me to a place called Remuda Ranch. Remuda saved my life! Remuda is an impatient hospital for anorexics and bulimics. Well, I wouldn't necessarily call it a hospital but anyways. Anorexia took over my mind and also my body. The voices and God were having a rage inside my body that i never thought could happen. I always thought i was fat even though i was about to die i saw myself as being huge. I was so depressed all the time and was always crying. At Remuda i had to deal with my feeling and had to regain control over my life. I have been out of Remuda for about 5 months now and have never been happier! God has blessed me with the hugest blessing and that is recovery For you that are in an ED! I beg of you to tell someone! I am telling you that you see yourself the wrong way. You are made perfect by God. Could you honestly go to God and say you made a mistake when God is flawless?!? Recovery is awesome! You know so much about yourself and you can help others that are going threw anorexia. Anorexia kills!
Allie

Dear Melinda,
I have been bulimic for three years and am just starting to recover. It has been incredibly difficult. Ironically, I am getting complements from people telling me "how thin and healthy I look." If only they knew. I have finally began to recover not that I have realized how much time, energy, and thought that I was puting into my eating dissorder and body image. I could have been using all of my talents to do something productive (such as working on my degree, working in a political campaign, being with friends, or just having fun); yet instead, I was wasting them. The last major hurtle I had to deal with was the way that people were treating me after I lost weight. Relatives, teachers, and some "friends" ( all who were oblivious to my dissorder)were treeating me like a different person. They were so impressed with me. I was terrified of losing there approval. While I may have enjoyed their complements, my resentment grew. I finally came to acknowledge the fact that if > they were so unstable that their opinion of me depended on a number of the scale, then they were not worth being around. Why should I make a few shallow people happy at the expense of making myself miserable?

Kat

NOTE FROM MELINDA
Dear Kat
Unfortunately there are many people out there who do not have the capacity to understand the pain, heartache and torment of an eating disorder, or to realise what someone may be going through. You have a depth of understanding and you are brave and strong - I also get the feeling you know yourself and have acquired the confidence to move ahead, surge ahead with things that bring you joy and make you happy. Well done Kat - you are truly a survivor. You are right - you should only concentrate on making yourself happy first, and then whoever you choose to surround yourself with depends on you. You have the power of choice. Indeed, why be around people who make you feel bad, or who do not let you forget you have had and eating disorder, worse still, do not want to know or understand? You are most important - it is you, who you have to worry about making happy, not other people. All power to you - you are an inspiration.

I am currently in recovery from the eatting disorder of anorexia nervosa. I had the disorder for about 4 years. I had always been slim, but always had this feeling that I was huge. At the age of thirteen, I was about 5 foot 6 inches and weighed only 27 kilograms( only 60 pounds). I have had multiple heart attacks. After that, I don't know what it was but, I still was scared to gain weight, but at the same tiime, I was so scared. I wanted to be even smaller, but I didn't want to die.The eating disorder was my own thing. I was always trying so hard to please others, that I felt all i had left for me and me only, was my eating. I was always the one in control of it.I guess I felt out of control when I was placed in the clinic. I felt like i wasn't in control of anything now that they were telling me what to eat, not to throw up, or not to look at any of the calorie numbers. There were many times i thought of suicide. But i am glad i didn't. As of now, I am 5 foot 8 inches and 54kilograms( 120 pounds). Although I am still about 10 pounds short of the healthy weight I should be, my advice to everyone out there is, even though you don't want to here what anyone has to say about how your dying and stuff, just listen, I mean really listen, you don't have to act on what they say, but maybe one day, like me, you'll understand and will be able to get through this horrible disease. You're all in my prayers,
Sincerely,
for once, glad to be gaining weight

Dear Melinda,
What a great web site!
I too had suffered from Bulimia Nervosa for...about 13 years, I was definitely in denial. I went through treatment 3 times and stuggled with it even during pregnancy of my first child. As I have done research, I have found that it can take up to 10 years to heal an eatting disorder and sometimes people never recover. For me the process was slow. I went from binging and purging at least 4 times a day to...after treatment maybe 1 time a week, to a year later 1 time a month to....for several years..relapses when I was under stress, like family dying or weddings or school. Then one day it was gone. One day I realized that I had not even cared about what I ate or how much. My obsessive thoughts had just gone away. That under extreme stress it never even occurred to me to throw up. I actually attribute it to about 7 years or so of healing work, where I was held for a couple of hours at a time. I just want to say, I AM sooooo amazed and overjoyed that they(eatting disorders) can actually be cured. One thing that I wish I had known way back when is... that it can take years to recover, that relapses happen and that's ok, in fact it's normal. That it's ok to get help.
J.B.

Dear Melinda,
I'm a young woman of 22 years...and for the first time in years I feel free. I was 14, when the curse of anorexia (and later bulimia)fell upon me..and it became my beast. At the beginning it was a wonderful high, I lost weight, felt marvellous...but living with eating disorders is like skiing in mountenous territory: the ride downhill is quick and fun, the climb uphill is slow and slippery...many times I have tumbled, bruised myself and lost the will to continue...
It was agony for 6 years, day, after day, after day....I was alone, in pain, hopeless and desperate for help...The duality of body and mind that is characteristic of anorexia, was soon complemented by a duality that within my mind. I felt that I was in constant battle with myself..and that I was loosing the fight (how nuts can one go?:). Many times I felt that I couldn't go on, that this particular day would be the last.How odd it is that I owe my life to my own lack of determination...to push the razorblade deep into my wrist.
Today I stand tall, but I remember and I mourn for the years lost, the years that should have been the peak on my youth.Yet I'm very happy that I'm still alive and kicking,finally, after years on pain, I got a some help and a little push on the back.
Everyone should be as lucky!
What is still difficult, is that others don't understand the hell I've been through and why I am what I am. And I can't expline it to them, because I know they will not understand.
But the readers of my letter will, and perhaps they will find solace in my words when I say that there is hope (!) of a "relatively normal" life.
We are survivors.
No doubt about that!

K.S.

Hi Melinda,
I was always the chubby one out of my friends, and for a while that didn't really bother me. I felt I had a great personality: funny, outgoing, and gregarious. However, during the end of my freshmen year of high school certain comments started to get to me. My boyfriend at the time would constantly comment on how much I ate, or squeeze my fat in certain areas. Another thing which added to my eating disorder was my friend who was also going through an eating disorder. She was as thin as a twig, and always had to comment on how "fat" she was and how much she ate when in reality it was more like a piece of lettuce.
Big changes started to happen during the summer going into sophomore year. I was at camp at this time, and always categorized camp with gaining weight especially since we were now the oldest campers and able to have food in our cabin. The first day I pigged out as usual, and suddenly I felt like I needed to loose weight. I felt gross. I told myself I would join the running class, and not eat snacks, only meals. I have to admit, I was loosing weight pretty healthfully at this time. I ate three healthy meals a day, and ran every other day. Towards the last month of camp, my habits started to get a little less healthy. For dinner I would eat only celery, and simply tell the counselors I didn't like the main meal. No one seemed to notice.

When I came home from camp everyone commented on how good I looked. I have to admit this made me feel great, but my big fear was that I would gain it all back right when I returned to my old habits. I came home and opened a bag of pretzels. I only ate two pretzels before I realized that this wasn't what I wanted. This is when my dieting became very serious. I would eat yogurt or fruit for breakfast, yogurt for lunch, and whatever my Mom cooked from the cooking light magazine just to convince her I was eating. On top of this I exercised about an hour a day. By the start of the school year I had lost 38 pounds. Instead of getting compliments on my weight loss I got snide remarks that I looked like a holocaust victim. I didn't really see it. I looked at models and actresses and thought, "Well I'm not as skinny as they are." Around this time I also lost my period. Unfortunately along with loosing weight, I also lost my personality. I was no longer the outgoing, funny, and gregarious girl that I used to be. I was quiet due to my obsessed thoughts with food, and how I looked. I felt like people didn't see me, like I was a ghost so I kept quiet. Due to this I started to loose all my close friends. I didn't like to go out anymore because that meant pigging out, and too many lies and excuses.
Thanks to my Mom I am now recovering from this hectic time in my life. Food thoughts still constantly consume me, and I still sometimes feel the need to cut back on what I eat certain days. However, I am proud to say that I am now at a healthy weight although my period has not returned. Unfortunately this situation has left me with not a lot of friends to turn to. My personality is slowly returning. Sometimes I wish I never lost the weight because along with the weight I lost my life in a couple of different sense. Before I was oblivious to calories and weight gain, and now it still over rides my thoughts. I finally realized that what's on the inside truely does matter. Ironically I actually had more male fans before my weight loss.
Becca

I read your story in "Warning Signs Before the Warning signs", and truthfully, it's almost identical to the horror I faced in my own life.
When I was in the 7th grade I began feeling extremely fatigued and irritable. Getting out of bed every morning, was one of the hardest parts of my day. I would cry at the drop of hat, and I hated everything.
I went to the doctor repeatedly, and they always said there was nothing wrong. I went to a regular family doctor, a thyroid specialist, and a ear nose and throat specialist. I even spent a good chunk of money on a in-hospital sleep study. STILL NOTHING. For me, though it didn't feel like "nothing" and I even took off the last 3rd of school because I was too tired to function.
Well, despite ALL OF IT I had fabulous grades, and people always complained that I was always "too perfect". In a personality/actions sort of way. In the 8th grade I went back to school, and just dealt with it. Once I started attending PE, I stated this habbit of taking diet pills AND not eating worth any nutritional value. You know, anything besides lettuce and water.
My friends became very worried about me, but in my eyes I couldn't ever messure up to anything, and PE was a constant reminder (remember my constant fatigue and now getting no protien etc) so it kept getting worse and worse. Well, I reached a point where I got myself eating again, but it wasn't for very long.
About October of my freshman year I discovered the "joys" of Bulimia, and was hooked. I almost ended up in an in-patient clinic, it got so bad. I destroyed everyone's trust in me, and I completely destroyed my body. Nothing seemed to be able to make me stop.
One night I was lying in my bed crying, knowing I was going to go throw up and I prayed for God to "please, make me not WANT to do this", and although I threw up that night, everything started looking different to me. I started seeing a little bit of reality from time to time, and then God made me strong enough to hold onto those pieces of reality, and eventually I got to a state of ignoring the "little voice" inside my head.
It was the most amazing feeling to be able to look in the mirror and, although I still didn't like the body that I was looking at, I accepted it.
Any adivice I would have would be that it's in your head that the problem is, and if you try to tackle it yourself you will not succeed. You must build a support system around you, find someone that you can tell EVERYTHING TO, and most importantly, ask for help from God, because he is strong enough to take it away from you. While, you'll never be completely "cured", you will always have moments where you contimplate giving in, you will become strong enough to say no, and be happy without it.

Melissa

Hi Melinda
Well I never thought of telling my story to ANYONE, but what the hell. Well I'm now 17 years old and my eating disorder problem started when I was 12. I had anorexia for about 2-2 1/2 years after about a year I was admitted into hospital, and stayed there for 4 weeks!! Tube up the nose and everything. What fooled most people was I actually ate MORE than your typical anorexic, I had breakfast, lunch, and NORMAL dinner, but the amount of exercise I did was extraordinary. I wouldn't let myself sit down unless in class at school (if it what was necessary), at dinner and when sleeping. I was obsessive compulsive as well. I had to follow the same routine every day, but try and beat how much exercise I did the day before, even if it was an extra 10 sit ups!! I was a "classic" case. Of course throughout all of it I still thought I was FAT!!!! Well after 4 weeks in hospital, they let me out and said that I'd have to wear the nasogastric tube (up my nose, pumping liquid food into my stomach) at school. But I got out of it, and I was allowed to wear it as soon as I got home till the next morning. Once I put on enoungh weight, I got rid of it. I maintained my weight for about half an month or a month then I started exercising more again (I was allowed to do a minimal amount of exercise after I put on a few kilos, because I've always been a sportsman) but this time I was eating like a horse, my training was harder and more competitive this time gradually I lost HEAPS of weight again and got just 2 kgs outside my hospital admittance weight, after a long battle I started working in a gym and was a fitness instructor, aerobics instructor and a triathlete so I just focussed my energy on sport. I was feeling and looking good, but all my training and eating problems caught up to me after about 1 1/2 -2 years. I mean I was training 7 hrs a day 7 days a week, even when sick, I loved it. But eventually I got Overtraining Syndrome. So I was lost as to what to do as I was told I need th "rest" that's when bulimia came into the picture. I was so used to eating HEAPS of food for training, but now I wasn't training, so I got to eat even more, without the guilt. So I'd binge on so much food then go and throw it all up, some days I was doing it after EVERY meal. I eventually got sick, swollen glands, bloodshot eyes etc. So I stopped after a while. But I was still too tired to train, so I started binging again occasionally throwing up but not often, because people knew and I didn't want the embarrassment of being caught in the act. So now I'm around 23-24 kgs HEAVIER than I should be, because I thought I was fat when I was 12!! I've definitly realised what they mean when they say eating disorders take over your whole life!! It started 5yrs ago and it still going on, I'll always have problems with my weight and self-esteem, but this time I'm going to lose weight the healthy way (and I have to have supervision while I do!!!).
If anyone wants to talk about what they are going through or what they have been through, by all means email me; sportyk@bigpond.com
Sincerely,
Kimberley

Tears stream down my face as I recall how much I've suffered these past few years of my life and how much strength it has taken me to make my way to the other side. It has been an uphill battle filled with pain, tears, and countless detours. Over the years, I've gained strength, intuition, and the skills necessary to battle this inner demon. I'm finally beginning to achieve freedom from this disorder, but it has been a long and painful journey. Four years ago, I turned to starvation and purging to fill this huge void I had within myself. I was in the 7th grade then and recall how terribly insecure I was and how completely unhappy I had become. I hated the curves that were forming on my body and perceived myself as grossly overweight. In retrospect, I was at a completely healthy weight for my height. I was simply focusing on my weight and controlling my food intake in order to avoid the unhappiness and insecurity I was really feeling. After months of severe starvation and purging, I lost a significant amount of weight. My health, both physical and mental, plummeted rapidly. All of a sudden people began commenting on how sickly, pale, and thin I had become. My parents discovered my secret, panicked, and brought me to my pediatrician to be checked. I was ordered to come in for weekly weigh-ins and threatened to be hospitalized if my weight continued to drop. Over the next few weeks, I continued to lose weight. I was truly at death�s door and recall how scared everyone around me had become and how lost I felt. My pediatrician, aware of the danger I was in, wasted no time and referred me to an eating disorder specialist in Boston. At that point, I was in horrible shape. I had absolutely no color in my face and resembled a ghost. My skin had turned a bizarre yellowish-purple color. My teeth were yellow and rotten from the acid that shot up into my mouth during my daily purges. I shook uncontrollably from a complete lack of nutrition, my hair was falling out in hand fulls, and I wasn't thinking clearly. After only a few weeks, my doctor admitted me to the medical unit of a Boston hospital. I will never forget how scared I was that day. I will never, ever forget...the look of horror and pain in my parents eyes as security guards and EMTs escorted me to the emergency room, the IVs, those 7 long, awful days on the medical floor, the anorexia nervosa protocol, countless hours of crying, the heart monitor going off in the wee hours of the night as my heart rate dropped into the 20s, the doctors unsure of whether I�d pull through, the feeding tube that was inserted down my nose as I fought it with all my might, my suffering and the fear and horror of my family and friends. It has been four long years since my first hospitalization. Since then, I have been re-hospitalized 12 times as I struggle to conquer a disease that had taken over my body and my life. It has been an incredibly long road filled with many, many ups and downs, victories and relapses, shattered relationships, hope and triumph. I have been out of the hospital for four months now and for the first time in my life I feel alive and well. I am eating healthily and not purging, but more importantly I am learning to love the person I am. Each day is a struggle, but I am fighting this battle with all the strength that I have. I have dreams and ambitions that are beginning to mean more to me than the number on the scale. I am surrounded by people who love me for who I am and who want me to succeed. This horrible illness has shattered my life in so many ways, but I am putting it back together one piece, one baby step at a time. With the help of my doctors, therapist, nutritionist, friends, and family, I am starting to see the light that has been waiting for me at the end of the tunnel for so long. I am setting myself free, learning from the past, and looking to the future. The hopelessness I once felt has slowly faded away, replaced by my newly found strength, passion, and will to live.
Christina

Dear Melinda,
Hi my name is Claire i'm 15 and i suffered from bulimia for 3 years. ive not long recovered, and i have to tell you, it honeslty was the hardest thing i have ever done. i hated myself, i would look in the mirror and cry, each morning was filled with tears, i didnt want to face the day. some days i would skip school so i wouldnt have to see my freinds, i was too ashamed of myself. My stomach always hurt from the constant throwing up, and my throat stung, my neck was swallen and i looked sick. It didnt take long for my mum to figure out what was happening to me, and i hated her for knowing, i hated the fact that she knew i wasnt the one in controll here. Thats all i wanted. I just wanted to have some sort of controll over my life. One day i confronted my freind and told her everything, i told her i was throwing up and that i was unhappy. I just couldnt cope any more, so much had happened in the past 2 years, my parents had seperated, my dad got cancer, my grandfather died, my mum lost her job and was taken to court, i had no control over things that were happening around me. My eating was the only thing i could control, yet it turned out to be quiet the oppisite. So after i had told my freind about myself being bulimic, she confronted me, telling me she was a year ago as well, then 2 other girls confronted me, telling me they had all suffered from bulimia, it was great, i had someone i could relate to too talk to. And thats what helped me, the love and support of my family, and my trust in God. Putting my trust in god that everything was going to be ok made me belive in myself.
I recovered successfully, but then 2 months later i was back into my old habbits. yet this time it was twice as bad, i was throwing up 2-3 times a day, and i felt horrible, emotionally and physically, then one day when i was at home skipping school, to ashamed to go, i was watching a documentary on bulimia and other eating disorders, there was a family talking about there 15 year old daughter collapsing after she was suffering from bulimia for only a year, then another family telling of how there 16 old daughter had a heartattack and died, from all the throwing up. At that very moment i felt so horribly sick in my stomach i ran to the cuboard and stuffed my self with food(being that i was starving myself and had'nt eatin for 4 days) i felt so worried that i would die, i couldn't breath properly, it felt like i was having a panick attack, from that day on i knew i needed help. I forced myself to see a docter and he helped so much. i had the support from my family, my freinds my docter and my teachers, and thats what gets you through bulima, support, there is something to live for, you do have a reason to live, you might not think it, or you might not know it, but why waste your time worrying about what you look like, or how much food you are going to eat today, it is pathetic, you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get on with life, live it to the full, you only get one go at it, don't waste your best years of your life in a toilet bowl and missing out on the fun things, honeslty, because life is so worth it.
Claire

next page >>