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Isn’t it amazing how when you meet someone with an ED or who has experienced an ED, that you feel an uncanny connection to that person, and you talk easily, not necessarily about eating disorders, or your own experience, but about everything? There is a strange connection between us all, we all understand what it takes to sucuumb to an eating disorder and how hard the fight to return to a sense of ‘normality’. People who have experienced eating disorders, anorexia, bulimia, compulsive eating, or an eating disorder ‘not otherwise specified’ are all such sensitive people. Yet on the other side of the coin, we are all driven, high achievers, who measure ourselves by what we have achieved and how we are perceived by others. Perhaps, this connection has something to do with our level of sensitivity. We are all over sensitive by nature and all striving for something. And we always want more. Ever found that when you reach your goal, you find yourself thinking ‘what next’? Why do we always feel that whatever we do is never enough?
The people that I have met who have had an eating disorder are the most lovely, sensitive people who sadly, never believe that they are good enough. And strangely, even in recovery or after being ‘recovered’, the personality traits that drove us into the arms of our eating disorders remain constant, but take a different form. It is amazing, when you channel that energy into something positive, just what you can achieve. The extreme desire for control that fuelled the eating disorder in the first place, can bring about amazing life experiences that cannot be equalled. We all have a drive within, some amazing power that enables us to exceed goals, that tells us that it is not enough to be good at something, we have to master it and conquer, be the best we can be. Yet the amazing connections we find with others that have experienced the same or similar paths with ed’s can always relate to our feelings, our deep seated desire to ‘achieve’. We are all, by our very nature, high achievers, achievement oriented. But I want to tell you that, when used in a positive manner, this can only be something that will make us feel good about ourselves. I have been lucky enough to meet some incredible people though my association with various eating disorder groups and associations, and every time, I walk away knowing that we are a unique group of people. We understand each other. We know what it takes to drive ourselves to the brink of dangerous destruction, we have all put ourselves in situations where we have had to come out fighting, take risks, put ourselves to the test, truly stare death in the face. We all have this incredible power inside of us that can bring acute pain and anguish, and for a time, we let it. We allow it to destroy who we are, our very souls, our very beings. And we do this because we are punishing ourselves for something that is not our fault. Perhaps this is why we feel drawn to each other, and can recognise without even having to ask, the very symptoms and characteristics of an ED that is everpresent. We can see someone walking down the street, and know instantly whether they are one of us. And if they are, we want nothing more than to reach out to them, to tell them that we know, we understand. But how hard is it to actually do this? So instead we watch them walk right by, with nothing more than a knowing look and an encouraging smile. I want to hear your stories about times when you have come across another person who you know is suffering from some type of eating disorder. Because the more stories I can post on this site, the more we can make people aware of how many secretive forms an ED takes, how to recognise an ED in others and how to feel about letting them walk on by. Because, if you’re anything like me, you will want to say something, do something, anything, to stop the pain, the suffering the anguish. The silence. I want you to email me stories of your encounters with other victims trapped in the cycle of disordered eating. You may not know them, you may be haunted by their face, the image you have seen , a situation where you felt helpless to do anything. But sharing it will be to help others recognise the signs. And between us all, we can do something positive to help others by helping each other recognise others. Connections is about not only connecting with those who are suffering on a conscious level, but connecting with them on an intuitive level. It may be someone you go to school with, someone you work with or someone you just pass in the street. But every story is important, and every story tells another story. I will post your stories here. God bless and keep fighting. MelindaI have read your site for the first time tonight and already after just the first two pages i know it will be a really big help to me and my friend. She is a year younger than I, but we both felt as if we were the same age..almost like long lost sisters. The first time i saw her, her eyes had increased to the size of a golf ball..bloodshoot as if strung out on drugs, her hand rubbing her stomach. I could tell in that moment that she had bulemia. Our eyes met, and i knew that she knew that I shared her problems with ED. For her it was bulemia..she always thought it was easier to hide. For me, anorexia. I just didn't care if i hid it or not. we talked about a lot of things but mostly about how our families were in a denail phase about our ED's. We had both decided then and there that if they don't recognize it, then we wouldn't either. It just meant that we had a cover for our diseases and none of them would say anything. Eventually her family realized that she needed help. She's doing fine now, engaged with a baby on the way. As for me, i'm still fighting it..and my family is too. steffy Dear Melinda, I have just visited your site and it was absolutely fantastic. I really feel that the section you included on ED's and friends was openly honest and true. Something that girls with ed's are not prepared to openly admit to. I have decided to write to you, with a story about my ED, and My ED buddy. When i was hospitalized with anorexia i met a friend. She too had anorexia, and i beleive that we never were competing over who could 'weigh' the least, or get the skinniest the fastest. But each others influence was definately not good for eachother...so she was discharged and a week later re-admitted. So i was discharged 8 weeks too early. Some people say relationships formed under such conditions as ours as desinted never to last. Afterall, we met eachother at the lowest point of our lives, in a PSYCHIATRIC hospital. But i don't know whether seperation was good for us or not. She is my best friend...now, two years later. We live 4 hours apart, but communicate most days of the week. To begin with, we were the ones who kept eachother in out own hells, now we are the ones who have dragged eachother out. She is the one who is ther for me, as i prepare to leave my therapist, and she is the one and only person, who at the end of the day, knows what it is like to be me, and the only one who has helped me to understand that it is OK. Jacq When you know someone you care about has an eating disorder and you desperately want to help, your arms can't be long enough. You reach out to them, but they are always just beyond your reach. Maybe it is because you don't have that last little bit in you to touch them and venture into their world due to your own circumstances, or that they won't let you touch them. About a year ago I met a beautiful young girl with anorexia. I instantly wanted to cradle her in my arms and tell her that everything would be okay. I didn't. However, over the proceeding months we spoke more and more, nearly every day. Regardless of how sick I have been, I have made constant attempts to try and help her see the reality of what she is doing to herself. She cannot see it. Somehow she has managed to hide her anorexia from just about everyone, including her family. This scares me more than anything, because to me, she is intangible. We live on opposite sides of the country. Everyday I fear for her. I wonder whether she is going to make it through the day or the week. I feel powerless, and that makes me so sad. The only comfort I get out of this situation is knowing that I am here for her, anytime. Some days she pours her heart out to me, others she screams at me. I don't care, because deep down I know that that is what she needs. She needs someone to be there for her, no matter what. She needs someone she can trust. At least I can be that person.Christie I suffered from anoerxia for a year, i shed 23 kilos in front of everyone it was only till my weight got under 50 was it a concern. as im concerned im still this way even though i have gained a coupple of kilos i feel fake as its through binge eating which i cant control right now. as i was wasting away so was a girl in the grade below me - year 11 i am in year 12, i know she would see me and stare in a sick jealous way and i would do the same to her, and ask in my head how did her legs get that skinny? and stuff like that.... walking around school in our zones we both knew what each was going through she took it a step further than me though she got to 41 my lowest was 46kg. she left school and was admitted to hospital, i was always curious to her whereabouts and how she was. i ran in to her at a party about a month back she was better she looked good but to me she was fat and in my head i knew that was wrong, we sat down and had this big conversation which was a littl strange as we'd never spoken a word to each other ever before, it was as if we knew each other. i was still a frail 46kgs. she knew i had issues still. through our conversation i learnt that both her mum and mine had anorexia when they were in their teens and the petty things we obesess over and i still obesess over every day like the gap between your legs the thiness of your arms and wrists and the flatness of ones stomach. we discussed binge eating and the lengths we both had gone to to hide things and lose weight. i promised her next time she saw me id be better, sad thing is next time she sees me i will probably be frail and pale again as i hate the way ive gained weight through binge eating i want to loose the 6 kilos again get back to 46 and put it on properly exercise 3 times a week for 40 minutes not every day for an hour and a half. i fully cant help this right now but i know i will soon i owe it to myself and those around me who have tried so hard to get better. |